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This was extremely interesting to me, as a cisgender, hetero male who sometimes may struggle to see the world from feminine lenses.
I've been reading Audre Lorde and I'm particulary puzzled about her essays on eroticism. I can see how it contrasts with pornography, which turns the erotic into artificial.
As a men who compartmentalizes, it's unnatural to me to think of the erotic as a driving force, like Audre Lorde puts it. I'm intrigued...
Your conclusion in your self analysis is spot on, IMO. It's not about Mr Boss, it's not about sexual fulfilment. It's about you being fully yourself.
This was very enlightening to read, thanks a lot!!